Michelle Beadle Takes Jack Jablonski, Paralyzed From A Hockey Check, To Prom

ESPN's Michelle Beadle tweets a photo with Jack Jablonski and friends prior to attending prom.

An ESPN TV host lived up to her promise and attended senior prom with a Minnesota teen that was paralyzed during a hockey game.

Michelle Beadle posted a picture on Twitter Saturday night.

In March Beadle interviewed Jack Jablonski on the show “SportsNation” about his injury. That’s when he boldly asked her to prom and Beadle immediately told him yes.

“He is just a cool human being, and to do what he’s been through and to be able to do it and keep smiling and everyone loves him. It’s just a no brainer to want to hang out,” said Beadle.

The school made a special accommodation to let the 38-year-old attend the prom

Cool ass move here by Michelle Beadle.  I already wanted her to sit on my face quite frankly, but now knowing she has a soft heart, I probably wouldn’t mind watching the sunset with her too.

Jack Jablonski sent a message to his entire school the he might be paralyzed but he’s still going to bring a famous smoke to prom and ruin all the high school bitches day of glory.  High school girls are just the worst, aren’t they?  Guarantee they were jealous as fuck of Michelle Beadle and had no appreciation for Jack’s situation. “She’s liiiike fortyyyyyyy”, “Yeah nice dress blahhhh”, “I thought she would totally be prettierrrrr”, “eww she’s wayyyy too fat to be on TV”.

Then they went home and cried because their dates had wandering eyes all night for Michelle Beadle.

View image on Twitter

View image on Twitter

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This Guy Definitely Doo Doo’ed His Pants In The Fallon/Cano Boo Skit

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I’m sure by now you’ve seen the Robinson Cano Boo video Jimmy Fallon put together for The Tonight Show.  If you haven’t its below.  Two reasons in particular its hilarious:

1) It confirms everything we truly know deep down as fans.  That we can yell all the shit we want in our comfy seats 20 rows back along the first base line, but we would still get our asses beat if confronted face to face.  This is simply just further evidence of that.

2) That white dude in the black shirt was legit scared when Cano popped around the corner.  That my friends was the look of a man squirting out a broken up chocolate hot dog into his briefs.  Cano took his soul.

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Moneyline Time: Will Donald Sterling Die Within A Year?

Yeah I said it.  81 years old.  Socially exiled.  Lost his team.  Lost his credibility.  It’s the JoePa effect.  I give this guy 3 months before he clinches his heart, reaches for a railing, misses, and dies alone in his house.  Who wants to take that sweet action?

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Cougar of the Week: Salma Hayek on the Prowl….

No one does busty latina like Salma Hayek…. and I mean it.  No one.  You have to respect a woman who can get you to cream in your pants just by promiscuously showing off cleavage without actually whipping them out.  She knows what she’s fucking doing.  Hall of Fame rack.  Those are the kind of tits that destroyed Troy.  The kind of tits that made kings cut off their wives heads to avoid divorce.  The kind of tits that remind us that we are all just savage animals in this world meant to devour each other.

Tale of Tape

Age: 47

Major Highlights: Mexican, “Glamour” Magazine Woman of the Year 2001, totally into white dudes…. like me, Latinas don’t start looking old until their at least 60

Tits/Boobs: Tits

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Bill Gates Reclaims “World’s Richest Person” Title

$76 Billion dollars.  When I hear that Bill Gates has $76 billion dollars it should remind us that we are all a bunch of nobodies.  We’re god damn potato bugs when it comes to our place in this universe.

When you have $76 billion dollars the biggest positive is that it’s the only thing you have to say to people… for the rest of your life.

Mr. Gates, how do you feel about AIDs research in Africa?

I have 76 billion dollars.

Mr. Gates is it true your penis size is 2 inches hard?

I have 76 billion dollars.

Mr . Gates is it true your are purchasing the rights to the word “nigga” so that only you can use it?

Nigga, I have 76 billion dollars.

There is only one negative to having $76 billion dollars that I can think of and it’s that it isn’t $77 billion dollars.

And for all you rappers out there talking about how much money you have… take some fucking notes.

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Would You Throw It In? Poll – Linda Cohn Edition

To me, Linda Cohn is all about a mindset.  As a famous anchorwoman would I throw it in? No.  Plenty of better options out there.

But, as your buddies mom?  Home alone?  Timmy won’t be back for an hour, would you like a drink?  Umm absolutely.  Naughty America shit.

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Cougar Of The Week: Diane Lane… On The Prowl

Diane always did it for me.  If anyone claims they haven’t grabbed some Kleenex and watched Unfaithful one lonely Sunday afternoon on USA, then they are lying to themselves.  No one likes liars.

Tale of Tape

Age: 49

Major Highlights: Twice divorced, Cheated on Richard Gere in Unfaithful

Tits/Boobs: Tits

 

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